the racists in this town are so proud of their lack of pigmentation you’d think they had actually chose it themselves 🙂
This crime scene tape strung between two lampposts is NOT the finish line & these policemen are NOT cheering me on to a glorious victory 🙁
When someone says “everything happens for a reason,” I stab them and laugh, just so they know I understand.
Dear prisoners: How about liquid soap?
You’re welcome.
Nah mate, when the Americans talk about football they mean that silly game where the fat men dress up as Transformers
Eternal damnation for the sorry acquaintance who cons you into watching his favorite film and keeps looking to see if you’re reacting.
I let that asshole into traffic and he can’t even oh look he’s waving we’re friends now.
12 Monkeys #DescribeYourSexLifeWithAMovie
I’m going to name my son Red so he’ll grow up to be a wise sportswriter or the prison inmate who knows how to get things. Hopefully both.
The Canadian military is just a guy named Ross with a flare gun in an aluminum boat.
Pretty sure I just did some classical ballet move as I got off the computer chair to get to the kitchen and saw a spider on my floor.
People who don’t follow you but comment on tweets with ridiculously stupid opinions are just hecklers with all the charm of a pedophile.
Where’s the gratification in tearing down another human being? It’s much easier to have heart, than walk w a self-inserted rod up your ASS.
I’m not intimidated by a pretty woman.
I’m intimidated by smart women, who happen to be pretty.
Jesus saves. Often. Because even he knows Microsoft Word is a piece of shit.