Pretty sure I just did some classical ballet move as I got off the computer chair to get to the kitchen and saw a spider on my floor.
People who don’t follow you but comment on tweets with ridiculously stupid opinions are just hecklers with all the charm of a pedophile.
Where’s the gratification in tearing down another human being? It’s much easier to have heart, than walk w a self-inserted rod up your ASS.
I’m not intimidated by a pretty woman.
I’m intimidated by smart women, who happen to be pretty.
Jesus saves. Often. Because even he knows Microsoft Word is a piece of shit.
Funny how bullies only bully people who are susceptible to bullying.
They don’t bully people who’d throat punch em without thinking twice.
The best thing about Twitter is that I can reveal my deepest and darkest secrets and you dumbasses think I’m joking.
I’m not a jealous person but seriously, if you star her tweets one more time I’m going to squeeze the balls of this vodoo doll so hard…
I fully support any type of marriage that doesn’t involve me.
There are so many different genres of music nowadays, but most of it could be filed under “Ear Shit”
The only double penetrating I’ll ever do is eating the double stuff Oreo I just dropped into my coffee.
If I see under 30s getting married, I want to kiss them for their optimism and punch them for their stupidity.
I don’t usually cry from onions, but this one’s story is so inspirational.
I mean, I’m smart, but I’m no Alfred Einstein.
I go through the 7 stages of grief just to get to work everyday.