I steal babies, run 20 feet, turn around and hand them back to their mothers and say “Just jokin!”
Life is as good or as bad as you make it. Take responsibility for your choices, including how you feel about a situation. And breathe.
When the audio cuts out at the end of a newscast and the anchors start chit-chatting I like to pretend it’s about my surprise party.
I love how you guys shit on Lohan, Hilton and Kardashian. If one of those bitches said a word to you fools, your balls would explode.
@NoogsCorner
Sub-Zero: Ok fineScorpion: Give me a hug
Sub-Zero: Umm no..
Scorpion: GET OVER HERE
Sub-Zero: Stop shooting your harpoon at me.
Scorpion: Well, stop shooting ice balls at me.
Sub-Zero: You first.
Scorpion: Nuh uh. You.
I’m just gonna say it. I’d smurf Smurfette.
Why do depressed people stay in bed? Beds were made for happy stuff like sex and naps and battles.
Sick of dudes not calling you after sex? Do it with me. I’ll call you thirty times a day. Even if you change your number, I will find you.
Colorado is burning down and the next time I see one of you fuckers flick a cig out the window I’m going to ram you with my car.
80’s rap was like being in 5th grade and trying to find words that rhymed with “hat.”
“Nice to meet you. What’s your real name? Want to see my dick?” – Every Kik convo, ever
What if the 5th dentist was from the future and knew about the long-term tooth damage caused by Trident?
When did white people become such fucking pussies?
Did someone text back with just “K”? You know what you should do? Stop texting them dumb shit.