Did someone text back with just “K”? You know what you should do? Stop texting them dumb shit.
Ryu: HADOUKEN. Ken: HADOUKEN. Ryu: HADOUKEN. Ken: HADOUKEN. Ryu: HADOUKEN. Ken: HADOUKEN. Ryu: HADOUKEN. Ken: HADOUKEN.
Never underestimate what a woman will do for love.
If you love someone, let them tweet.
ERMAHGERD YOO GIZE…
#WhatMostWomenWant A man with a vibrating penis.
“OnStar, this is Sharon, how may I help you?” “My penis is stuck in the cigarette lighter hole.” “Is this Brandon?” “Yup.” “I’ll call 911.”
Next time you want to question the rationality of women, just remember that they freak the fuck out when they see a centimeter long spider.
Having a rough day? At least you’re not Courtney Love’s gynecologist.
Someone needs to invent Glade Air Freshner Clit Rings®.
.I’m a woman. Sometimes I want you to hold me while I sleep and sometimes I want you to shove my panties in my mouth. It’s complicated.
Women. Can’t live with em, can’t live without titties.
My Mom says since I’m 33 years old she no longer has to watch me do sweet cannonballs at the pool. That’s total bullshit.
A broken heart won’t kill you, but it can make you feel like dying.
Middle finger in the air, if you don’t really care. It’s like that sometimes man, ridiculous. Life can be sometimes ridiculous.