You think if I tell my dad “30 is the new 20” he’ll start paying all my bills for me again like he did 10 years ago?
when nothing goes right… go left
I’d like to schedule a disappointment.
Which herbal tea goes best with heroin?
Listen. You call me a cunt and I’ll call you an ambulance.
I DON’T WANT YOUR PITY but I’ll take it.
So when two guys get super friendly it’s bromantic, but what about two girls? Can we make homantic a thing? Or ‘gina buddies or something?
It’s simple …..when life throws you assholes..rip them a new one.
After watching Honey Boo Boo, I realize America has much bigger problems than the national debt.
Everyone has that psycho ex we pray we’ll never run into again. If you don’t you’re probably it.
LOL pills that say don’t take with alcohol. Ok Doc, how do YOU
suggest I take my medication then?
After drinking that much, I just hope whatever I bring back home is some sort of human.
Legalize drugs. Criminalize dumbasses.
Was just talking with a friend who refuses to give her husband a blow job because it’s “dirty”.
Told her not to worry, someone else will.
Girls complain about guys using them for sex, but sex is awesome! Start bitching when he uses you for laundry, or as a human shield.