Ladies, other women should be our allies, not our enemies. Nobody understands the heart of a woman like another woman. You’re still pretty.
When I get sad, I just think about the vast Universe and the fact that I’m stuck on this rock with a bunch of idiots. Then I get sadder.
Why I’m starting to hate Twitter…
I’ve hit rock bottom so many times, I’m building a second home there.
Comment: London’s WorldPride? It’s really WorldShame
Laughter is like a face orgasm. If he can give me that, he earned an audition for giving me an actual orgasm.
Confidence is sexy. Arrogance is not.
It was love at first sight. Then she mentioned she didn’t drink. Thus ended the shortest relationship of my life.
All I’m saying is that gay dudes butt blast each other for a reason. The asshole has the most sense receptors per area of any body part.
Rome fell because it was run by idiots who used letters as numbers.
I’m so glad the “you break it, you buy it” policy doesn’t apply to hymens.
I won’t believe in God until “Thou shalt puffeth, puffeth once more and passeth to your neighbor” becomes a Commandment.
I admit it. If I were a man, I’d be a creepy @ guy for sure.
When someone says, “that’s ridiculous, no one will ever do that”, I’m the guy that says, “hold my beer. I’ll do it.”
Always blow your man. Pamdé went two weeks without blowing Anakin and we all know what happened to that dude.