I can tell I’m watching too much porn when I’m filling up w/ gas & just before the nozzle clicks off I pull it out and spray it on the car.
Introducing new iPhone 5 features:
– Patented Ultrablack color technology.
– Siri is less of a cunt.
– Contains 1 mg of Steve Jobs’ ashes.
Cell Phone Manufacturers: We’re gonna release a brand new more advanced model.
Apple: We’re gonna release this shit in White. WHITE.
Goal as a white guy
1)Pay taxes
2)Never say anything that may come across as racist
3)Find something clever to do with my arms when I dance.
It takes a keen ear to pick out a girl’s “I haven’t finished but I know you’re about to, so I’ll try to be supportive” moan.
I don’t think humans are capable of sounding more disgusting than when they are being rude to their mothers or singing along to Mariah Carey
Not only are used coffee grounds a great fertilizer, when shaped and baked they make excellent biscuits for that cunt of a dog next door.
Not only are used coffee grounds a great fertilizer, when shaped and baked they make excellent biscuits for that cunt of a dog next door.
Hell is probably just thousands of tourists trying to take pictures of you walking a cat.
Hell is probably just thousands of tourists trying to take pictures of you walking a cat.
My ex is selling the vehicle I lost my virginity in. I really loved that skateboard.
My ex is selling the vehicle I lost my virginity in. I really loved that skateboard.
I just took an IQ test and apparently I’m a Libra?
I just took an IQ test and apparently I’m a Libra?
There’s no such thing as “fair trade” honey. Those bees are gettin’ screwed.