When I go out in public with my brother; people think he is my boyfriend, which is crazy because we broke up over 12 years ago.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
God: sends you to hell for aborting your ‘child’.
God: killed his only son.
And that, ladies & gentlemen, is religion in a nutshell.
Never judge someone because they sin differently than you.
I can’t believe I used to talk to people.
Stole my neighbors family portrait & got it tattooed on my back. Now I’m standing in their living room facing the wall 2 see if they notice.
Kristen Stewart seems like one of those missing milk carton kids who was raised by their kidnapper.
I’m tired of 19 year olds thinking they’re special for being hot. You’re 19 You’re supposed to be hot. Call me when you’re 45 and hot.
Thanks, I wrote the tweet. There’s no need to reiterate it back to me with quotation marks.
I only had kids so I’d have a valid excuse for always being late
The kids of today have no respect. They’re rude, lazy and swear to make themselves look big and cool
Nothing at all like us…
I added someone as a friend 2 years ago but they haven’t responded. They must be really busy.
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “East.”
Girls, your friends lied when they said chopping your hair off looked cute. They are just happy that their man wont want to bang you
The door to door bible people just skipped my house! See, all it takes is trying to kiss the guy and he wont be back (until 3am)