Hugs not drugs. Except, yes drugs and why are you touching me?
If you truly want my undivided attention start to tell me something then say never mind
Define “no more Twitter or I will leave you.”
Whenever I meet one of my 15 y/o’s bf’s, I always ask “Have you ever taken karate?”. “No sir”. “Well u fuckin better” !
Good parenting 101
Double cheeseburgers don’t make you fat, eating them does.
I got out of bed this morning and decided it was time to turn it around. So, I did a 180 and went back to bed.
Alright! Everyone that got a DM containing a map to my treehouse, meet there in 15 mins. Those who didn’t, maybe consider being nicer to me.
Ladies. Even the most mundane chore is better in a Princess Leia costume.
Parallel parking reality show. Get on that.
People say I have a dry sense of humor. So when you hate everyone the word to describe that is dry now I guess.
I see Paris, I see France, I got a great new pair of binoculars from an overpriced sporting goods store today
Can’t trust anyone that refuses to admit
They are wrong.Sidenote: I do have a place to hide their bodies.
Filming my own version of “Taken” using cats. My cat will play Liam Neeson and the red dot from a laser pointer is his daughter.
Funny women are smart. Be careful.
I followed a guy because of one cleverly written tweet, but everything since then has been drivel. Now I know how people who follow me feel.