I would never cheat in a relationship
because that would require two people finding me attractive.
Remove all the poles if you don’t want me stripping, Mr. Bus Driver.
A tragic kissout between police and suspects leaves over 15 innocent bystanders believing in love again
I’ll grow my beard out just so I can knock on a strangers door & whisper, “I’m here to pick your kid up for prom. Either one. I don’t care.”
My favourite part about playing video games is probably thwarting evil. You never get to thwart anything in real life. I like to thwart.
Jay Z and Beyonce had a 4 million dollar dinner with Obama…. Wtf did they eat? Fresh dinosaur?
The pot called the kettle black. The pot is silver…………we now have a situation in the kitchen.
Every woman has an inbox. She carries it with her just in case she gets male.
I’ll apologize for last night right after you tell me which parts you still remember.
“Say no to Lindsay Lohan.” – drugs.
Are people who write “prolly” rather than “probably” just lazy, completely illiterate, or do they actually think that’s a word?
Found my cat reading To Kill A Mockingbird. I told him that it didn’t actually involve killing birds, but he said he liked courtroom dramas.
I’m only watching the royal wedding for the bishop. I’ve always wanted to see a person who only moves diagonally.
Travel Tips
1. Pack light
2. Dress comfortably
3. Bring a book
4. Anything can happen
5. You’ll probably get killed
6. Don’t leave the house
I feel bitchy.I want to steal your pen,then use it in front of you,while denying it’s your pen.Then leave a note that says “it was your pen”