If I fall of this roof cause I’m tweeting, you fuckers have to come and take turns spoon feeding me mash in hospital.
Ok I just started watching House M.D.:
1 Does everyone gang up and beat House’s other leg?
2 does a rival Token come in to challenge Omar?
I don’t hate anyone. I just don’t like people.
Anyone know the difference between the Supreme and the Deluxe? This whore house menu is confusing
I am really shocked that there is not a website devoted solely to the most clever Wi-Fi names of all-time.
Tomorrow I think I’ll just walk around restaurants with a clipboard shaking my head & hope they bribe me with free food.
I’m sick of people not taking me seriously *Throws jester hat down in disgust*
When I see how idiotic people can be, I get jealous of Darth Vader’s force choke ability in those exact moments.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t like things as much as I do.
Were those thousands of turtle lives worth the life of one stupid, spoiled Princess with a strange fetish for Italian plumbers?
Frogs always look like they just found out there’s no free Wi-Fi.
One time a friend said that he “ain’t never had no nothing”. It remains the only time where I have heard someone use a quadruple negative.
Dear every guy that works out excessively, the sun is out! NOW is your moment! It was all worth it! Take that shirt off and walk around!!
You can’t give me a mini fan at work and expect me not to spend the whole morning pretending I’m a model doing a photo shoot. It’s science.
If you love a balloon, set it free. If it comes back to you, it probably wasn’t a balloon.