It’s been about 3 years since my last drink and I’m still hungover.
I’m always there for my friends when I need them.
If I fall of this roof cause I’m tweeting, you fuckers have to come and take turns spoon feeding me mash in hospital.
Ok I just started watching House M.D.:
1 Does everyone gang up and beat House’s other leg?
2 does a rival Token come in to challenge Omar?
I don’t hate anyone. I just don’t like people.
Anyone know the difference between the Supreme and the Deluxe? This whore house menu is confusing
I am really shocked that there is not a website devoted solely to the most clever Wi-Fi names of all-time.
Tomorrow I think I’ll just walk around restaurants with a clipboard shaking my head & hope they bribe me with free food.
I’m sick of people not taking me seriously *Throws jester hat down in disgust*
When I see how idiotic people can be, I get jealous of Darth Vader’s force choke ability in those exact moments.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t like things as much as I do.
Were those thousands of turtle lives worth the life of one stupid, spoiled Princess with a strange fetish for Italian plumbers?
Frogs always look like they just found out there’s no free Wi-Fi.
One time a friend said that he “ain’t never had no nothing”. It remains the only time where I have heard someone use a quadruple negative.
Dear every guy that works out excessively, the sun is out! NOW is your moment! It was all worth it! Take that shirt off and walk around!!