Just because I have breast implants doesn’t make me a slut. Being a slut makes me a slut.
Oh, hey guys how were the bars tonight? That’s cool. In case you were wondering all of the Harry Potter movies are still really good.
Someone suggested that I try Acupuncture. I don’t think adding more pricks will make a difference.
Falling in love makes you do stupid things. Once I even got married.
Karma said if you keep calling her a bitch she’s going to show you what a bitch really is.
Itching, flaky skin? Burning sensation while urinating? You’re probably on fire!
My milkshake brought a colony of extremely aggressive fire ants to my yard. 馃檨
Life is short. Beat it up and steal its lunch money.
They should make engagement ring boxes that whisper “Dont do it” when you open them.
Thinking about getting a nutritional value label tattooed on my inner thigh.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
How do you say “I’m sorry I got you pregnant, but my plane leaves in an hour. I might visit the baby one day.” in Korean?
It鈥檚 ironic that someone would take their last 5 seconds of life to call me middle aged.
I just realized the straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress, and not for what I’ve been using them for all this time.
Me: You should do that sexy thing you did a few weeks ago more often.
Her: When I was dancing in my panties?
Me: No鈥ooking