3: I don’t want to read. I just want to sit here and be mad.
Me: Okay—
3: And bite people.
5: Dad, can you get me pasta?
Me: Ah, we don’t have any.
5: That’s ok, you can make some, I don’t mind waiting.
I’m uncomfortable around tall people. what if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders
Why are personal grooming products such popular holiday gifts? How gross is everyone the rest of the time?
If I’m so smart, explain to me why I can start the washing machine then five minutes later wonder where that running water sound is coming from.
conversations these days
start with butterflies
and end with therapy
Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘idk how to hold a pencil.
Me: Could I plz continue watching the thing I was watching the last time I was on here
Hulu: Sure! ….if you can find it 😏
Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.
So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed. Shame, as this morning I did about 9
Been watching Dateline for years and still haven’t met anyone.
Eggnog is one of my top ten favorite nogs
i’ve been kidnapped and quickly released easily 6 dozen times
Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.
Someone posts video
“Wait till the end”Me – *fast forwards to the end*