Yes I run a porn site. It was an accident.
I always take my kids on vacation during drug awareness week…because there’s just some things they should learn from their dad.
If Usher ever worked in a theater, his nametag could be “Usher Usher.” I’m sorry for that joke but I’m actually addicted to the send button.
I bring our baby to the bar so I can throw her at people and slurp down their cocktails while they’re trying to catch her.
“LOOK AT MY ASSHOLE.” -Cats
It’s not a dog if it fits in your handbag.
I haven’t read a single History book that explains how Asians got out of their Pokeballs.
I keep my wine glasses on the top shelf to make sure I stretch daily.
Anyone else having a near life experience today?
I’m not above selling your kidney or my oldest child for a phone charger. I mean, if it came down to it. Not just like for fun.
The fact that no one understands you does not mean you’re an artist.
Quit honking at me dammit, the stop sign is still red!
“Everyday I’m mumblin'”-Bane
Idk why this guy is alway bitching about his wife, she seems great. When I ate his lunch today the”I love u”note she left him made me smile.
Sleeping without you is a waste of bed.