Witness: and in the lead up to the trial I was being intimidated, finding dead animals left on my doorstep.
Cat lawyer: objection! How can we trust someone who doesn’t know a BRIBE when they see one?
I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.
Okay this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself
Guys it is ofc possible that I have misunderstood but I have just been told that the hotel I’m staying at for work offers ‘free 24 hour cheese’
*me brushing my daughter’s hair
my watch: are you working out?
paycheck hit i’m at michaels arts and crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael
one time when i was a kid i fell off my skateboard & hit my head so hard i was briefly able to communicate with bees
I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”:
“This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”
It’s pretty apt that the i is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.
