my friend taps me on the shoulder and whispers “you might not think your face conveys how much you hate this, but i need you to know it does”
so logan paul and jake paul are different people?
Are you a hero about to fight some baddies? Here are some battle cry ideas to strike fear into your enemies’ hearts:
* Hot buttery death!
* HR will hear about this!
* I’m as strong as fifty men and as crazy as a thousand raccoons!
* Brenda!
* Don’t hit me! I’m telling Mom!
if I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.
Salons always have hair on the floor. Garages always have oil on the floor.
Banks, what is your problem?
the most incredible thing about James Bond is the way he can walk into any hotel room and immediately know how to use the shower
Just got my first “let’s hold off on this conversation until the New Year” email. Absolutely ecstatic
shakira sharkira
my card declined at subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me
my boyfriend just said “i encourage you to try all things” to our cat who was licking up buffalo sauce
do not feed a big man 12 eggs a day. you super charge a big man’s egg power levels to that extent he will devour your other family members. trust me I learned this the hard way
Creative Problem Solving
Tuesdays are the worst so here is the funniest video of all time
