The cranberries used to write songs that would get stuck in your head, in your heeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!
Me: You put the “cow” in “coworker”
Her: Excuse me??
Me: It’s a joke format.
Her: I’m telling HR..
Me: Ok but I doubt they’ll get it either.
When a friend dies, I’m not sure if I should unfriend them on Facebook or occasionally “poke” them to see if they’re still dead.
Inspired by Baby Jesus, I’m hoping to get nailed this weekend.
Guys, when a woman is mad just tell her she’s overreacting. She’ll realize you’re right and calm right down.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times lets face it you’re a jerk and I’m stupid
Try to eat 70,000 small meals a day to keep your metabolism on its toes.
The coolest part of the bible is where one couple somehow populates the world by having kids from every race and ethnicity.
Talking to women is a lot like origami. I don’t know where to start and I always end up screaming.
Name brands really are better. For instance, I just found out that the Tide pen works much better on stains than regular pens