If a bullet train doesn’t come out of a train gun I don’t want it
Pronounces Gene Hackman like Pac-Man and you won’t convince me i’m wrong
Urinal cake? Nah, that’s a pisscuit
Canadian owl: Eh?
Confused owl: What?!
Texting random numbers “It’s done.”
The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa
I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.
If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.
I can’t wait for the government to shut down I have some scores to settle. Big time
I WON A HAM TODAY
My toddler has just learned how to say her brother’s name. So now she keeps repeating his name over and over, which is driving him absolutely crazy. I have to admit that I’m kinda enjoying it though. Better him than me!
Based on how comforting I find compression, my 50th birthday will be held in a trash compactor
Apparently this weekend there will be constant rane, hale, gails, drissle, thundre, litnin, hy tydes, tawnaydoes and frizzing colde.
Really bad spell of wether.
Did you know most Americans only get to spend 2-3 hours with a new video game after launch before returning to work?
Paid. Gamer. Leave.
Three simple words I will make law when gamers around the country rise up and take back control of this country (which we founded, btw).