Babybel you stay on my mind
fulfill my fanta-cheese.
Today I noticed there is a newish gym right across the street from my office and thought “hey maybe I would work out between meetings” so I googled it. $230 a month. I laughed and laughed and laughed. Enough that it was probably an ab workout.
*I will not be awkward*
*I will not be awkward*Uber Eats delivery guy: Enjoy your dinner!
Me: Thanks, you too
I need to be locked up… in an ice cream factory.
Really had myself thinking I was doing ok financially until I went shopping for a couch.
If I yell loud enough I can turn this whole game around.
– dads at kids’ basketball games
Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.
Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.
I throw naked mini-wheats back in the box like I’m not the one who’s gonna get stuck with the bowl of naked mini-wheats in the end
Would like to think i’m a chill person but i did a jigsaw puzzle the other day with people who had bad puzzle etiquette and i nearly put my fist through the glass top of the coffee table.
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a wood chipper, rented under a fake name
More foods should have boats, why should gravy have all the fun?
You couldn’t make Blazing saddles today. it took way more than a day to make that movie.. and it’s like 10:00 right now.
I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.
“My wife keeps mistaking me for Alice in Wonderland characters.”
“Are you mad at her?”
“Oh god, not you too”.