who can I pay to hit me in the head with a baseball bat so I go into a coma for exactly 2 weeks and one day
Joseph Smith, 1833
Math at Halloween.
My husband can remember the college a football player went to, what year he was drafted, the number he was picked in the draft, and his height, but can’t remember a certain neighbor’s name no matter how many times I tell him it.
Welcome to parenting — the only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.
Cameraman here. If I’m in the newsroom during a live news broadcast I ring my mates and they get their kids to watch, as I tell them to look at the newsreader’s shoulder, at which point I stand up and magically appear in the background. The kids love it.
Hockey would be better if the players had to write a short essay about what they did wrong before they could leave the penalty box.
pain
Health and fitness is really important to me
Dips the French fry in the mashed potatoes
*my cat, who has 3 different beds and a cat tree* I must sleep on the clothes you have laid out for the day
Every time I tell my lab puppy to “drop it!” I hope it’s going to be a rock or a Hot Wheels car or a piece of mulch and not a whole live frog like it was last week
Whether you’re a fan of Hallowe’en or not, you have to give it credit for being the last line of defence against Christmas advancing even earlier into the year, a ragtag gang of goths holding the line against a battalion of baubled barbarians
Already got one
