Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.
Spilled a can of drink over a nun, and now she’s got a Coke habit.
The Bachelor would be a much better show if there was one woman who was a secret saboteur actively trying to wreck The Bachelor’s life.
Another election year, another voting day writing in Bart Simpson on the ballot.
In my DMs there are people saying I’m a shit doctor because I want to lose weight, and I’m thinking wow the public needs to be educated about the various roles in healthcare.
I’m a cancer doctor. A shit doctor is called a gastroenterologist. Follow for more insider info.
Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.
I’ve been cutting my own hair for eight years. I didn’t expect it to take this long. I’ve missed out on so much.
I was in a band during the 80s called The Prevention. We were better than the Cure.
*everytime I introduce dad*
this is the man who’s not proud of me
Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.
Somebody needs to get my shit together.
As the king’s food taster, I essentially have one job: clutching my throat and dropping dead when the soup is poisoned.
every tall woman, looking at tall fashion models: okay, but where does she REALLY buy pants?
7: are eggs vegetables?
10: no! and they’re not fruit either, they’re children!
Where do I sign up to be one of those tiktokers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?