What do you call a food fight with an unlimited amount of food?
All you can yeet.
A great part of video game culture is how you can purchase a night at an inn, and you wake up with full health.
I’ve been to many hotels before, this does not actually happen.
You can’t scare me. You’re not my dog the morning after she ate my jar of Vaseline
My 5yo asked me to show him how high I can jump in case you’re wondering why I’ll be limping tomorrow.
Teacher: Ok, which of you stole the thesaurus?
Student: Not me
Student: Not me
Student: Nay myself
Student: Not me
Whoever decided Halloween and daylight saving should happen in the same week should lose their calendar-setting privileges
This older woman on this flight next to me just pulled out her knitting so I pulled out my knitting and started talking to her about it and she could not have been less interested. She’s now wearing earplugs. Not even headphones to listen to music. Earplugs.
Three men from my past have reappeared in the last few weeks to remind me how much I hate odd numbers.
I don’t understand how spending more money than i earn is irresponsible. i’m giving more than i take. i’m generous.
Yes Karen, I’m aware that it’s November 7th. The demons in the yard are not decorations, I’m just taking them out for some fresh air
If anyone’s looking for a new podcast recommendation, check out the one I listened to over the weekend. Can’t remember what it was called but it offered a fascinating insight into its chosen topic. Well worth a listen if you get a chance 👍
When I’m trying to walk around in my house: Tripping over shoes nonstop because kids leave them everywhere
When I’m trying to get kids out of the house: No shoes to be found, a barren shoeless desert, a tumbleweed rolls by
Welcome to your 40s…no matter how badly you want to prove to your kid that you can still do a backflip…trust me, it’s not worth it.
Word of the day:
Polymer – Noun – A mermaid with three boyfriends.
If you unfollowed someone because you were pissed off at them but they apologize you should be able to refollow without them getting a notification and thus realizing that you unfollowed.
No reason