Whoever decided Halloween and daylight saving should happen in the same week should lose their calendar-setting privileges
This older woman on this flight next to me just pulled out her knitting so I pulled out my knitting and started talking to her about it and she could not have been less interested. She’s now wearing earplugs. Not even headphones to listen to music. Earplugs.
Three men from my past have reappeared in the last few weeks to remind me how much I hate odd numbers.
I don’t understand how spending more money than i earn is irresponsible. i’m giving more than i take. i’m generous.
Yes Karen, I’m aware that it’s November 7th. The demons in the yard are not decorations, I’m just taking them out for some fresh air
If anyone’s looking for a new podcast recommendation, check out the one I listened to over the weekend. Can’t remember what it was called but it offered a fascinating insight into its chosen topic. Well worth a listen if you get a chance 👍
When I’m trying to walk around in my house: Tripping over shoes nonstop because kids leave them everywhere
When I’m trying to get kids out of the house: No shoes to be found, a barren shoeless desert, a tumbleweed rolls by
Welcome to your 40s…no matter how badly you want to prove to your kid that you can still do a backflip…trust me, it’s not worth it.
Word of the day:
Polymer – Noun – A mermaid with three boyfriends.
If you unfollowed someone because you were pissed off at them but they apologize you should be able to refollow without them getting a notification and thus realizing that you unfollowed.
No reason
Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.
Me: Jessica has 1/5 cup of milk for her cookie recipe how many times does she need to use the 1/10 measuring cup to make the cookies?
9: How about you figure that out on your own Jessica? Use your own brain.
My kid asked me to hold her candy, took one look at my excited face and decided she should hold onto it instead, which was definitely the right call.
My phone should just know if the passcode is entered incorrectly the first 3 times then it’s definitely me.
Mailman left a package on my porch labeled “Do Not Bend.” I can’t figure out how to pick it up.