I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.
Hate it when I bring someone back to my place for the first time and all they want to talk about are the corpses.
LOL SO my hospital made us sign in via a virtual survey for our orientation day and they had a question “what is your ‘why’ you’re a healthcare worker” and I put “paycheck” and I DIDNT KNOW THEY WOULD LATER PUT ALL OUR ANSWERS ON THE POWERPOINT
My cat likes to meow at me a lot. I like to meow back at him.
Sometimes when I meow back he stops meowing and I worry that I might have insulted his mum or something
If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.
I was musing to someone about the irony of being a surgeon and having a phobia about touching raw meat (especially chicken). I don’t have a problem touching raw human though.
Anyway, thats how I learned people don’t like being referred to as raw human.
My middle schooler called me “mid” and I’ve gotta be honest, not a fan of having to google something before deciding how offended I am.
Doctor: A healthy serving of red meat is the size of a deck of cards.
Me: So… no more than 52 slices of roast beef?
Dr: I hate this job.
how do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me
last night the host of the halloween costume party I attended got ziploc bags out at 10pm sharp, told everyone to take food and go home. 100/10 no notes
How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank?
Do you just call them and say you can’t come
you can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesnt come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.
Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive…you’re literally going that way anyway…just give me a ride.
Guy walking in on me in the bathroom
Me: Excuse me. I’m on the phone.
I hurt my back making tater tots. The directions said bake 16 minutes and flip halfway.