@genehunter1

My Christian friend asked 4 proof there is no God.nnI pointed out Adam Sandler is a multimillionaire movie starnnNow my friend’s an atheist

@NikiWithIssues

You can’t give me a mini fan at work and expect me not to spend the whole morning pretending I’m a model doing a photo shoot. It’s science.

@phxguy88

I get the feeling some of you have been told by others of you not to talk to me. This means war.

@Lisa_Laughs_

I forgot why I was retracing my steps so I gave up and re-retraced them back to bed.

@ilovepie84

I bought some Velcro shoes so that nobody can make fun of my velcro wallet anymore because now they will match

@Lisa_Laughs_

I’m not sure, but if I died in your arms tonight, that makes you a suspect. At the very least.

@IGotsSmarts

I wondered why everyone said I had “bed hair”, until I looked in the mirror and noticed a tiny mattress on top of my head.

@Schmoodles

I finally decided to unfollow someone who hasn’t tweeted in a year. They’ll probably come back tomorrow & make me look like a real c**t.

@Tat6277

Volunteer shark bait is a much more inspiring name for surfers

@designersays

I added someone as a friend 2 years ago but they haven’t responded. They must be really busy.