overheard someone asking my wife how we met, and she replied “he was a fancy wooden horse to my Troy” and on one hand: that’s beautiful, but on the other hand: 😕
“What’s wrong with you?”
Me: the same things that are always wrong with me…were you expecting something new?
Well…my morning coffee finally kicked in at about 8:37 p.m.
I’m 36 going on 37.
Old enough to play a high-school student in a major motion picture.
Radiohead fans, this is for you.
Honey I made you some hotdog water
Good morning
my teenager came out into the living room and is sitting here with me. Idk what to do. What’s happening. Is this the twilight zone? does he know he’s not in his room?
For the record, saying somebody of the same sex is handsome or pretty or attractive does not make you seem gay at all, but prefacing that statement with “I’m not gay but…” kinda does
me: ah the house is so clean now
sun rays shining through the window: you sure about that?
I’ve only been married for six months now, but after much studying and counseling I’ve come to the conclusion that the key to a successful marriage can be summed up in two words: strategic farting
What’s Ticketmaster’s favourite Christmas song?
Fleeced Navidad
#GoldCrackers
If you start making a voodoo doll at Michael’s, you get to meet the manager.
Foolproof? Yeah, well we’ll see about that
My default excuse for cancelling plans is “poetry.” No one has ever asked me to elaborate.