Two windmills were sitting on a hill. One asks the other, “Do you have a favorite song?”
The other replies, “Well… all my life I have been a heavy metal fan.”
Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that shit to my personalities.
My tire pressure won’t make up it’s mind. Are we married?
︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎
Some will get it! Hmm 🤔?¿
Dry Turkey isn’t the problem, you need to make more saliva.
wtf
Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?
I need a sleep apnea machine, but I have no room in my bedroom. Unless of course I get rid of my movie theater butter pump or my Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville blender.
I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.
As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.
As per my previous tablet…
Friend: cheer up. There are plenty of fish in the sea
Me [slamming my fist on the table]: I’m attracted to women NOT fish, Gary!
[help desk at the mall]
Her: can I help you?
Me: I want this desk to help me
Her: it doesn’t work that way
Me: it doesn’t look busy
Her: it’s a desk, sir
Me: a help desk