Was pretty pleased my 6th grader took a break from hiding in his room gaming w/friends to bike 6 blocks to the library and meet friends.
“So what did you do there?!” I asked eagerly.
“There’s 3 computers in a row so we can all play at once.”
At least he biked 12 blocks?
I don’t want to brag about how cultured I am, but I’ve visited the outside of many historical buildings that charge an entrance fee
very few whales can do a kickflip but also very few skateboarders could eat 40 million krill in one day, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses
It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.
5: this one time i slept in till like 7am!
Me: *holding back tears* I remember
A perfectionist walked into a bar. Apparently it wasn’t set high enough.
Last night I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a screwdriver. I turned a few heads.
My wife keeps buying me chunkier and chunkier wheels for my bike, and I’m getting thicken tyred of it.
I love the Yakuza games. I wish Japan was real.
Still waiting for a politician to abruptly resign because someone on Twitter with 27 followers told them to.
judge: i hold you in contempt
me: get in line, pal
Him: I’m an animal person
Me: *nervous* So like, a shapeshifter?
Imagine Dragons.
No. Dragoner.
My baby: Blabalaba! Bolababa!
Me: Yeah, that’s a fair point – I guess it’s really a personal choice, not a matter of figuring out one best practice for everyone. Thanks for talking this out with me.
One of Santas reindeer served in the army with Tina Turner. Back then he was known as Private Dancer.