“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness
Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.
I could never live off the grid. Crunchwrap Supremes are found exclusively on the grid.
Just spilled water on my laptop so now I’m hanging it out on the clothesline.
If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.
When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.
FBI BOSS: We’ve finally found you a new partner. So what do you say when you meet him?
ME: Nice to meet you.
BOSS: And what do you not say?
ME: *sigh* Let’s turn this FBI onto an FB Us.
Haha, if i’m supposed to be at work right now then how come me & my friend dale are at the park watching a priest use a crucifix to break up a fight between a raccoon & a telephone repairman?
Just had the good fortune of seeing an ad for a website which is currently offering a 10% discount on some of its products and/or services. Thought I’d mention it in case anyone’s looking for some great bargains 👍.
My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.
“I’m giving you a bath, with or without you!”
(and other ridiculous things I say as a parent).
[going 75 mph on the freeway with only forests on both sides of the road]
my phone: I found nine wi-fi connections to HP printers.
I hate when people text me: “Call me.”
I’m gonna start calling people and when they answer, I’m gonna say: “Text me” And then hang up.
The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.
I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.