Welcome to your late 40s from now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”
“Are you ready to apologize to your sister yet?”
4yo and my husband made pasta from scratch for dinner. 4yo took one bite and said “this is the best meal I’ve ever had, please can we make this again” then promptly left the table and ate no more. Bless preschoolers.
i used the “😭” emoji in a work chat and the manager of a separate department got upset about it and said this to my boss about me
It’s been 5 years since they banned me from Yelp and I’m still mad about it. I did nothing wrong.
Im not joining no alternate twitter app not gon lie, if this gets taken down im starting a family
Thank you cards only ever thank people for nice things they’ve actually done. This excludes people who don’t like doing things. We need cards that thank people for bad things they HAVEN’T done
(HR hovering over my desk, glaring at my awesome fat 70s tie with a crisp double Windsor knot)
Me: omg now what
HR: shirts aren’t optional
When I was little I asked my dad if I was adopted.
Dad: LOL! Why in the world would we have chosen you?
I’ve laughed so hard 😭😭
