I’m sorry I jumped on you, from a distance you looked like a conclusion.
I wonder if anyone being chased by a bear has ever tried just turning around and saying in a really stern voice “NO…Bad Bear”?
If I were British I would carry around a monicle and drop it whenever I was horrified
I’m going to open a restaurant and call it I Don’t Care. So us men can finally take u women to the place u want to go to when we ask
I remember the first time I saw my girlfriend, her hair was blowing in the wind, but she was too proud to run after it.
When your partner asks how many people you have ever slept with, answering ‘what did I say the last time you asked?’ is unwise, apparently.
I’ve been dieting for 2 weeks now and so far I lost 5 Instagram followers.
My fridge is so empty, I just saw a fly in my kitchen wearing a pastry apron, kneading dough and mumbling “He doesn’t even buy bread.”
“Is my butt is too big?” my girlfriend asked, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Sensing a trap, I fell to the ground and played dead.
It’s been so long since I bought groceries, this morning I saw a c**kroach move out. “Good luck,” he sighed, clutching his tiny suitcases.