It’s not my fault that the Ouija Board always says, “you guys should order a large pizza” every time I play.
Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything
I threw some bird seed on my lawn earlier and now there are dozen of them out there which is amazing because I thought it would take ages for them to grow
Guy who doesn’t respect the walkie talkie rules: Ugh, I’m so hungover
Guy who does: rlly 👀? Over
Met a drunk girl earlier who had a “half therapy dog” bc it had gone through part of the therapy dog training and then just decided to become a regular dog
is it too early for christmas memes
waiter: I’ll be right back with your ticket
me: can you just let me go with a warning this time
Imagine people magazine putting you in their sexiest man alive issue and everybody response is no….. omg
This is Ethel. She is minding her own business. And her neighbor’s business. It’s called multitasking. 13/10
you’re damn right i have
Today will be the day I finally tell my friend that “touche” isn’t pronounced like “douche.”
Suuuuure
