You like bad boys? Not to brag but I’m bad at everything.
-me flirting
Hey Hotels! Stop keeping decaf coffee in the rooms. If I’m late and need to rush out the last thing I need is a cup of zero energy water that tastes like the Great Depression.
My son said he doesn’t plan on returning home from college until Thanksgiving so we’re turning his bedroom into a Spirit Halloween.
My teen said I have a lot of fashionable clothes “because stuff from the 1900s is back in style” and I wonder if that includes washing a sassy teen’s mouth out with soap.
My new husband and me are already winning thru compromise. I accept he’ll never pick up all his socks and he allows the occasional hit and run homicide. Patience & 💛.
People should throw rice at baptisms and not weddings that little baby is all wet and needs help drying.
Could I save more lives with telekinesis or with a family of friendly dinosaurs?
Me: Our kids are finally at an age where we can sleep in on week-
Youth sports: Let me stop you right there.
I hate when things are inscrutable. just wanna scrute ‘em so BAD.
I called a driver in the school drop off line a moron and 7 very solemnly said… Santa heard that.
Cashier: Will that be all?
Me: No, I have a bunch more stuff to get, I just wanted to show you what I’ve got so far.
Warning:
This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.
[MOM GROUP CHATS]
Sadie says practice is at 1.
Maddie told me 12:30.
What color socks should they wear?
I heard it was at 4.
Who is in charge of snack today?
I can’t get Addi there until 2:15.
Kimberleigh has a gluten allergy.[DAD GROUP CHATS]
Practice at 1.
👍
The cool side of the pillow just stole my bf.
ME: check out this cordless trimmer
BARBER: stop calling me that.