This is the dumbest apocalypse ever
*me on my deathbed* here, I want you to have my basket of cords.
I like to forget Instagram exists for weeks at a time then remember and send 83 chubby animal videos to my best friend.
If a bullet train doesn’t come out of a train gun I don’t want it
Pronounces Gene Hackman like Pac-Man and you won’t convince me i’m wrong
Urinal cake? Nah, that’s a pisscuit
Canadian owl: Eh?
Confused owl: What?!
Texting random numbers “It’s done.”
The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa
I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.
If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.
I can’t wait for the government to shut down I have some scores to settle. Big time
I WON A HAM TODAY
My toddler has just learned how to say her brother’s name. So now she keeps repeating his name over and over, which is driving him absolutely crazy. I have to admit that I’m kinda enjoying it though. Better him than me!