waiter: I’ll be right back with your ticket
me: can you just let me go with a warning this time
Imagine people magazine putting you in their sexiest man alive issue and everybody response is no….. omg
This is Ethel. She is minding her own business. And her neighbor’s business. It’s called multitasking. 13/10
you’re damn right i have
Today will be the day I finally tell my friend that “touche” isn’t pronounced like “douche.”
Suuuuure
#SailorMoon ain’t got nothing on…
I think ya’ll would be shooketh to know my name isn’t really SingleBabyMama.
When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this Arby’s immediately.”
when people your age have their shit together and you have no idea what you’re doing
To all the people who blocked me and can see my tweets I want to say that making your own chicken, beef, and seafood stock is a rewarding experience. They can be used for more than bases for soups but as a flavor booster in many recipes and can take your cooking to another level
This guy blowing through stop signs to get to church on time must be pious as hell.