@michaelianblack

Science question: can somebody please explain how tiny, tiny swimsuits make Olympians dive better?

@KenJennings

Landlocked countries with beach volleyball teams: who do you think you’re fooling?

@NikiWithIssues

Some days I want to leave everything and just run away with him. Other days I want to own 3 baby dragons and be fireproof and naked.

@NikiWithIssues

I sent 117 texts and called you 82 times but you must be busy so I came over to tell you the restraining order expired and I still love you!

@karencreets

I should probably never be a mom considering I’d rather drop a baby in a puddle than my iPhone

@michaelianblack

Finally saw the new Batman. SPOILER ALERT: the Bane character is up to no good.

@Parentpains

I don’t make spelling and grammatical errors I invent new languages. You ignorant Count.

@imence2

I love the smell of a camp fire. It reminds me of the night we kille….nnn…..I just love smell of campfires.

@Just_Lee_

The world is full of terrible people, but there’s none so evil as the man who fries bacon right next door to the gym.

@Rivs01

I can’t believe I used to talk to people.