I said “temperature’s dropped!” to someone I always pass on my walks and he replied, “I actually thought it was quite warm today”
That is NOT in the script. You’re meant to say “winter’s on the way” or “soon be Christmas” or “nights are drawing in”… something that roughly…
My toddler learned to say COWBOY over the weekend and now every conversation is like this:
Me: would you like some milk to drink?
Toddler: no! Cowboy!
Me: I’m sorry. Would the cowboy like some milk?
Toddler: 🤠 yes 🤠
the internet really was better 18 years ago
date: I’m a really big people person
frankenstein: omg, same
Person: Don’t talk to me in the morning until I’ve had at least one cup of coffee.
Me: Don’t talk to me in the morning until I’ve pet at least four dogs.
Delighted to have won the freight contract to help Ukrai… never mind.
4yo has never been overly original in toy-naming; his T. Rex is named Rexy, his stegosaurus is Steggy, his triceratops is Triceratopsy, his stuffed dog is Puppy. He now has a new triceratops and to differentiate between the two has decided to invoke the animal’s prominent horn.
Asking the real questions!
*drops something sharp*
Brain: catch it with your foot
Package delivery vans should play music when they’re driving through a neighborhood like ice cream trucks do
I love writing tweets but what I really want to do is direct and produce them
linkedin the good parts
95% of the ocean is unexplored which means there could be a mcdonalds down there
