It’s pretty embarrassing how all these guys keep falling for this cute bartender’s flirting, when it’s obvious she’s totally into me.
💀🤣
career fairs are such a disappointment to fair enthusiasts. “fair” is misleading. they should be called jobathons
they gotta bring back House and make it about House again and it’s still House and he is the exact same character except he works at Home Depot in this one
Work crush came by to drop off zip ties while I was on the phone so I missed the opportunity to smile creepily and say “sorry we had to ask, I just don’t keep zip ties around… anymore.” Bc that’s how I flirt.
cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado
Hear me out: WrestleVania
I may lack the tail feathers needed to flirt like a peacock but i’ve never seen them manage to rock the Running Man dance so I think it’s clear who the real winner is here
Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car
Photobombing Giraffe 😅
Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction
opening twitter before 9am is crazy like did you even try to have a good day
oh to be lowered into a toaster with you, my bread slice wife
