This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes get it together people.
Work in IT. Spend most days in server room doing “urgent security patches”. I have a gaming pc in there disguised as a server and I just play games all day. Have done this since 2017. I get praise from my boss for being so hot on security issues. On 50k a year + getting bonuses.
I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes.
Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.
I believe in you.
I also believe in bigfoot so don’t get too excited
Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a christmas sweater on.
You know you’ve outstayed your welcome when a British person asks “what time’s your train?”
My sister got a job as the assistant to an incompetent magician and now she’s my half sister
Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.
[first day as a pilot]
control tower: what’s your location
me: i’m in the cockpit
control tower: i mean where is the airplane
me: mainly behind me
[first day as a pilot]
control tower: what are your coordinates
me: I’m by a cloud that looks like a lion
control tower: can you be more specific
me: simba
I told my therapist that I thought I had imposter syndrome, but he said only talented people get that. So that’s a relief.
Best “black friday” deals come when your neighbors leave their windows unlocked.
I’m not the best driver in the world; however, I am not the one who hit Jupiter
Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.