If you’re thinking of having kids, last night I told my 5 year old what I made for dinner and he said “Ew, gross,” then three minutes later I caught him eating a booger.
Faith can move mountains, but cash can move the paperwork.
Husband: *belches
Me: Exactly!
[Flirting]
I can turn anything into a PDF, baby.
I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile
Then walk into a wall
I have a cartoon in the current Private Eye
15 passed his driver’s permit test today. so going forward this will now be a parent horror-comedy account.
The only thing flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
My mom was a little overprotective. She made me wear a helmet every time I rode my bike. It was an exercise bike and I was 19, but hey, her house, her rules.
I asked my mom what she was doing and she said oh just watching trail cam footage and I asked of what? And she said, of a man stealing a trail cam.
I know people don’t like when I get political, but if you’re going to vote, it should be during an election.
It’s Open Mike Night at the autopsy lab.
money maker
you never know what burdens people are dealing with
Thank you to the army of faceless accounts boosting my content
