I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.
Might get a little wild tonight and set the white noise machine to overheated laptop
Might get a little wild tonight and set the white noise machine to overheated laptop
How to dress when you are a woman over forty:
1. Be a woman over forty
2. Put your clothes on
Are you having a nice Tuesday or did your daughter remember this morning that she volunteered to bring 150 baby carrots to school today?
A pregnant family member is looking for a old-fashion social security number. What is your social security number?
When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.
Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys
A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.
Got a piece of mail today addressed to “Epic” instead of “Eric” and finally somebody truly gets me.
Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.
Got fired from Target for testing out the Nerf guns on their logo.
At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.
When the aliens decide to show up from whatever other dimension they are really from, can they please return all my lost socks and bobby pins, thaanks.
Her, 6: I have a secret
Me: What is it?
Her: I’m not gonna tell you… but it’s about a marker
Me: Oh no
Her: yeeeah