i’ve started saying good undernoon between 10 and 12 and let me tell you everyone at work hates it
1st base is watching horror movies together. 2nd base is asking if they think birds are real. 3rd base is determining whether they are prepared for a zombie apocalypse. Home base is abandoning society & moving into the woods together.
To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I’m after you now.
I’m supposed to take an antibiotic one hour before or 2-3 hours after eating, and literally such a time does not exist
I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.
Might get a little wild tonight and set the white noise machine to overheated laptop
Might get a little wild tonight and set the white noise machine to overheated laptop
How to dress when you are a woman over forty:
1. Be a woman over forty
2. Put your clothes on
Are you having a nice Tuesday or did your daughter remember this morning that she volunteered to bring 150 baby carrots to school today?
A pregnant family member is looking for a old-fashion social security number. What is your social security number?
When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.
Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys
A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.
Got a piece of mail today addressed to “Epic” instead of “Eric” and finally somebody truly gets me.
Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.