Rather than waste money on charity for the homeless, let’s invest in splicing their genes with snails so they always have their own shelter.
I pirated a movie yesterday…
I gave it 3.14 stars.
dating is scary, what if I put myself out there and I fall in love with someone who’s family plays charades at holiday gatherings
If you would have told 7 year old me that one day I’d be sneaking into people’s rooms to steal their teeth I’d have thought you were crazy.
Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.
Dateline was on an hour later than usual and hoo boy they’re sure lucky I don’t have a life
People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like. 🤷🏻♀️ 🍩
meal prep? you mean putting on a bib?
If we’re on a road trip and you don’t point out a cow when we see one you will have to get out and walk. Those are the rules. No exceptions.
It’ll never work, we have very different definitions of words like talented, celebrity, amazing and intelligent.
does bisexual mean twice a sexual, or once every other sexual
This is exactly why pilots do a ‘walk around’ prior to flying. If not, the low tyre pressure on this aircraft (left in picture) would not have been detected. #Safety
Stop picking up fawns.
You are not a Disney princess.
And even if you are, don’t.
My friend has six kids and not once have they sang about going to bed. What in the VonTrapp is going on there?
dad: you losing weight
me: are you asking me bc i look skinnier or because i changed my diet
dad: yes