Ive started investing in stocks… Mainly beef, chicken and vegetables. One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
Was pretty pleased my 6th grader took a break from hiding in his room gaming w/friends to bike 6 blocks to the library and meet friends.
“So what did you do there?!” I asked eagerly.
“There’s 3 computers in a row so we can all play at once.”
At least he biked 12 blocks?
I don’t want to brag about how cultured I am, but I’ve visited the outside of many historical buildings that charge an entrance fee
very few whales can do a kickflip but also very few skateboarders could eat 40 million krill in one day, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses
It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.
5: this one time i slept in till like 7am!
Me: *holding back tears* I remember
A perfectionist walked into a bar. Apparently it wasn’t set high enough.
Last night I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a screwdriver. I turned a few heads.
My wife keeps buying me chunkier and chunkier wheels for my bike, and I’m getting thicken tyred of it.
I love the Yakuza games. I wish Japan was real.
Still waiting for a politician to abruptly resign because someone on Twitter with 27 followers told them to.
judge: i hold you in contempt
me: get in line, pal
Him: I’m an animal person
Me: *nervous* So like, a shapeshifter?
Imagine Dragons.
No. Dragoner.
My baby: Blabalaba! Bolababa!
Me: Yeah, that’s a fair point – I guess it’s really a personal choice, not a matter of figuring out one best practice for everyone. Thanks for talking this out with me.