Someone once decided that if you wanted a quick wedding, it should be officiated by an Elvis impersonator
THAT is an influencer
just found out that some people don’t double click the tongs before using them. wtf
could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to capri sun my legs all summer
If you actually call it junk drawer you’ll stop putting stuff in it and another drawer becomes official junk drawer
They say throwing a party is about planning, but it’s really about setting aside your pride and asking your friends and family to bring whatever dumb items you forgot.
Right now, I need a Transformer that can turn into a blender that’s not broken.
Since summer is almost over here’s a list of all the places I got to visit:
1. Work
Me attempting to flirt: So do you also like eating food?
I could easily defuse any bomb as long as the bomb squad guy told me what to do through the headset
I hope everyone at burning man is okay, but I also wanna share that when I lived in San Francisco the week all the Burners left for Burning Man was THE BEST WEEK in the city and we all looked forward to it every year
I can cook up any meal but I can’t peel boiled eggs without them looking like a toddler took bites out of them.
one time i couldn’t go to church because i was too busy describing a grilled cheese sandwich to a police sketch artist
Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.
what all these pyramids be scheming about?
Oddly, Tripoli doesn’t have a single E.