This nurse acts like no one else takes off all their clothes when they get on the scale. Pfft
*paints car camouflage*
*stops making payments*
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Very funny, whoever wrote WASH ME in the dust on my box of condoms.
“This soup was so good I wish I could just…NOMCRNCHNCH”
“There must be a better way!”
-Inventing the bread bowl
There’s been a rash of break ins recently involving teenage boys, so I switched out all the locks in my home with bra clasps.
So sorry I hit a nerve. I was actually aiming for a major artery.
All I’m saying is Sesame Street would be a lot more entertaining if Big Bird were a velociraptor.
Much as I like Guardians of the Galaxy, in real life, I don’t think it’s a good idea to give a gun to a raccoon.
“Where do people already feel awkward & uncomfortable?”
“K let’s make ’em like that”
— funeral home designers
My review of Godzilla vs Kong is the same as for the last four flicks:
NEED LESS HUMAN TALKY TALKY
NEED MORE MONSTER PUNCHY PUNCHY
SNOW WHITE: so how’d you get your names?
SNEEZY: I sneeze a lot
SLEEPY: I sleep a lot
GRUMPY: my wife left me