Parents that need to reheat coffee are adorable.

Hardened parents will chug it cold, or chew straight up coffee grounds; they’re desperate.

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I saw the most beautiful woman at the store today so of course I did the sensible thing and imagined what our whole life would be like if we fell in love and then I never spoke to her.


Survivor, but it’s just us touching our faces and then waiting


If I had a time machine, I’d go back in time to just before a famous person was supposed to be assassinated and borrow money from them.


good morning to everyone but especially the cat who stuck her entire paw in my cup of coffee


Definitely just forgot the word ‘menu’ and asked for a ‘map of the food’.


It takes a village to raise a child so I dropped the kids off at my neighbors house with a note: “your turn”