@DrDogMD

PATIENT: I bet medical school was pretty tough

DR DOG: yeah I remember one time I did my assignment 4 times bc I ate the first 3 copies lol

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@fixyourcompass

Having Justin Bieber sing at your funeral so your death will be the second worst thing happening to your friends that day.

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I want to apologize for the awful true things I said when I was angry.

@007Rex_Inc

*Running late
*Light turns green but car in front wont go
*About to honk when reads bumper sticker: honk if you love disco
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@CoolHegel

“This is so wrong,” I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut

@Cheeseboy22

If you lead a horse to pretzels and then to water, he will definitely drink.

@Bluestmoon_

I don’t mean to brag, but I’m in my 30’s and my bank account makes me look 21.

@IHPower

Social distancing has taken all the fun out of avoiding people.

@colebuer

It’s been 4 years since my job interview.

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@ericsshadow

My youngest is being tested for the gifted program at his elementary school and my other son thinks his toothbrush is haunted.