I said my wife’s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet’s empty…
Penguin 1: [staring sadly out of plane window]
Penguin 2: [supportively puts a flipper on his shoulder] there’s no shame in arriving at the annual bird convention by plane, Colin
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Me: objection your honour!
Judge : sustained
Me: *takes deep breath* objectionnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
“This is the bear kids”
Wow I want his arms
“What? You cant ha..”
*kid shows tour guide 2nd amendment*
“Bring him the arms smh”
Bad guys gotta have a meeting and decide once and for all Liam Neeson’s family is off limits.
I’ve had 6 cups of coffee and am about to shave my pet cactus
More like Kermit *A* Frog, there are other frogs
For all the people who doubted me:
You were right
PUPPY: Crops look good this year
Laundry is racist!!
Must separate the whites from the colors!!
No delicates allowed?
Oh, whites get HOT water, everyone else gets cold!
Golf would be better with landmines.