Relationship Status: Lurking
Penguin 1: [staring sadly out of plane window]
Penguin 2: [supportively puts a flipper on his shoulder] there’s no shame in arriving at the annual bird convention by plane, Colin
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[Lois & Superman’s first date]
Superman: You look beautiful, Loren.
Lois: What? Who’s Loren?!
*Superman flies around the earth and reverses time*
Superman: You look beautiful, Lois.
Murderer, trying to kill me: what are you doing
Me, very competitive: *holding my breath* beating you to it
My cell phone fell in the pool…now I know what it feels like to have someone you love drown.
the best way to avoid people outside stores with clipboards is by carrying your own
“Honey, remember our first date?”
“Awh, are you planning something for Valentine’s?”
“No, I forgot my password. It’s the security question.”
If you love someone, tell them.
If they make a throat slash motion when they see you coming, it’s probably not reciprocated.
If you think Lord of the Flies couldn’t happen, you’ve clearly never seen a group of 7 year olds go after a piñata.
Girlfriend: Im not the best cook, is that cool?
Me: Yeah, I love shitty food.